Sex should be enjoyable for everyone – and part of that means getting or giving what turns you on. Unfortunately, mind reading abilities aren’t exactly common in the general public, meaning everyone should be having conversations about what they want – and asking for it with confidence.
Like talking about consent and good communication, asking for what you want can seem either scary, weird or unsexy. But we’re here to assure you it’s not! In the end, asking for what you want is how you get to have great, satisfying and even mind-blowing sex.
But wait – how do I know what I like?
Take some time for you and figure out what turns you on! Watch or read some porn, let your mind wander, see where it goes when you’re getting yourself off on your own. Get in tune with your body and what kind of touch feels right for you – we’re all a little bit different.
What if I like something weird?
Listen, everyone is into something weird – whether we admit it or not. As long as acting on those desires isn’t illegal (and if it is, please contact a therapist), find yourself a consenting partner and get ready to rumble.
How do I tell someone what I want to try?
Like discussing consent and boundaries, asking for a specific act or type of sex should be done when you’re fully clothed and not getting ready to jump into the sack. Bring up that you would like to talk about sex and make sure this is the right time for everyone involved to discuss something new.
What if I tell someone, and they don’t want to participate?
That is totally their call to make, and it’s up to you to respect it! Consent is about everyone being comfortable – no partner has to do something they don’t want to just to make the other partner(s) happy. From that point, you can keep the fantasy to your own solo time, or search out someone else who may be willing to participate.
What if the person/people I talk to about it freak out?
Freaking out can happen, and we won’t lie – it totally sucks. Remind them that it’s okay to not be interested in what you proposed, but it’s not okay to make you feel bad for liking what you like.
Okay, all parties involved are interested in trying this new and exciting thing. What’s next?
More talking! Again, outside of the scene/act, talk through what you’re both/all looking for from this experience. Check in on hard limits, safety concerns and/or materials needed. Then you’re ready to enter the new and exciting world of desire fulfillment!
What if I try the thing, and I don’t like it?
That’s totally okay! You and your partner(s) have free reign to stop at any point and say it’s not working out like you hoped. Maybe it’s better off as a fantasy, maybe you need to ease into it more, or maybe after the anticipation and mystery wore off, the act wasn’t near as sexy as you imagined. All of these outcomes are normal – just don’t let it affect your ability to ask for more of what you want!
If you have a fantasy you’re itching to make reality, sign up for The PRSNLS and get down – tell people in your first post what you’re really looking for!