Sex can be an emotional experience, no matter how you do it. Chemicals are bouncing around in our brains, giving us a rush; if you reached orgasm, your body is coming down from a physical high; and if you engaged with kink or BDSM play, your feelings may be all over the place. What’s a person to do with all these intense feelings? Engage in aftercare!
Especially important in the BDSM world, aftercare is the post-scene care partners engage in after sex. But it shouldn’t be limited to kinky play – everyone should be practicing aftercare in their hookups and sexcapades. We’re here to outline what that might look like and why it’s important.
Aftercare means something different to everyone because we all different experiences with sex. For some, it may mean cuddling and talking with your partner(s); for others, it means a specific routine that brings peace and calm. There really is no wrong way to do aftercare!
Like any other actions around sex, aftercare is something that should be discussed before getting down to business. Chat with your partner(s) about how you might feel after sex, what makes you feel calm afterwards and what definitely will not help. Remember, everyone is different – what worked as aftercare with a previous partner may not work with others.
In the BDSM world, aftercare is a must for both subs and Dom(me)s. While it can be super hot to get off on receiving or inflicting pain, punishment or just an interesting power dynamic, it is still a taboo subject and many people feel shame for engaging in this type of play. Aftercare can help combat this, as well as any other feelings that can come up during more intensive play.
However, it’s not just BDSM-style sex that can make us feel a lot of emotions. In a 2018 study of over 1000 men, 41 per cent reported crying after consensual sex at some point in their life. These tears can come from happiness, past trauma, overwhelm from the sensations, or for no discernable reason at all. Aftercare can help normalize this reaction and others, like intense euphoria or irritability.
Maybe it’s a warm bath or a cup of tea; an episode of their favourite tv show or a few moments alone. Aftercare is intensely personal, so again, check in with each and every partner on their needs! Make each sexual experience the best it can possibly be, from start to finish.
If you’re looking for a new partner or just someone to play with, download The PRSNLS and see who’s out there!